Store Humorist Pillows

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

"Jimmy, I'm putting you back on fruit and veg."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

'The stuff legends are made of'

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

Seven deadly sins store

'Today stocks dropped on news that the only thing to fear is everything.'

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Bookshop with Best sellers getting pushed into the Remainders basket.

Great moments in shopping

Free Range / Deranged

That was 16 items.

'In today's stocks... small caps rose on news big company stocks fell...'

"I had to let that new lad go, I caught him with his hand in the trill"

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

"Did you say 'plummet', Mr. Casey? We don't use that word around here. We say 'downtick'."

"Oh. The store is closed?"

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

"I say my dear, would you pass me some ice please - the fresh stuff, not that frozen rubbish."

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

"If I keep predicting a market crash, eventually I'll have to be right!"

"If you want something firmer, I suggest you try our flooring department."

Fresh milk - Self service

Woman in frozen food isle see a sign: TV Dinners over a case, the dinners are marked CABLE, Dish, Analog.

'This could be a new record!'

“Ever thought of changing your name?”

'Unexpected item in bagging area.'

"Head office told our boss to speed up the checkout process...but he misinterpreted and sped up the conveyor belt instead."