Store Humorist Gifts

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

"Jimmy, I'm putting you back on fruit and veg."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

'The stuff legends are made of'

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

Seven deadly sins store

'Today stocks dropped on news that the only thing to fear is everything.'

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

'Yes?'

Great moments in shopping

Bookshop with Best sellers getting pushed into the Remainders basket.

Free Range / Deranged

That was 16 items.

'In today's stocks... small caps rose on news big company stocks fell...'

'Lucky they've got a glazer'.

"I had to let that new lad go, I caught him with his hand in the trill"

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

"Oh. The store is closed?"

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

"Did you say 'plummet', Mr. Casey? We don't use that word around here. We say 'downtick'."

"I say my dear, would you pass me some ice please - the fresh stuff, not that frozen rubbish."

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

"If I keep predicting a market crash, eventually I'll have to be right!"

'He certainly knows how to make a customer feel welcome.'

"If you want something firmer, I suggest you try our flooring department."

Fresh milk - Self service

Woman in frozen food isle see a sign: TV Dinners over a case, the dinners are marked CABLE, Dish, Analog.

“Ever thought of changing your name?”

'This could be a new record!'