Shop Humorist Gifts

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"How much is the sign?"

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

Seven deadly sins store

'Today stocks dropped on news that the only thing to fear is everything.'

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

"Well, Mr Baskerville, the only puppy hound I have left is this little guy right here." A legend is born.

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

Great moments in shopping

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

'In today's stocks... small caps rose on news big company stocks fell...'

'...Have you ever once thought about my wants?! It's always about you, Polly! You!'

'It's you.'

"Did you say 'plummet', Mr. Casey? We don't use that word around here. We say 'downtick'."

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

"I'm not sure. Maybe it's my wife's butt size I'm thinking of!"

"If I keep predicting a market crash, eventually I'll have to be right!"

"If you want something firmer, I suggest you try our flooring department."

Fresh milk - Self service

“Ever thought of changing your name?”