Shop Talk Humorist Gifts

"No, sir, recumbent unicycles are not a thing."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

"How much is the sign?"

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

Seven deadly sins store

'Today stocks dropped on news that the only thing to fear is everything.'

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

"Well, Mr Baskerville, the only puppy hound I have left is this little guy right here." A legend is born.

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Great moments in shopping

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

"That reminds me - it's about time to feed the little fella."

'All these conferences look the same.'

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

'...Have you ever once thought about my wants?! It's always about you, Polly! You!'

'In today's stocks... small caps rose on news big company stocks fell...'

"Did you say 'plummet', Mr. Casey? We don't use that word around here. We say 'downtick'."

"Remember when all this was free?"

'Lucky they've got a glazer'.

'It's you.'

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

''Have you got any cockroaches?"