Club Shop Humorist Gifts

'Lucky they've got a glazer'.

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"When I was seventeen..."

"Let's discuss this feeling that you're always being blamed for bad golf scores!"

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

'I'd like a brandy please...'

Great moments in shopping

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

'I see you've dressed to go clubbing.'