Clubhouse Comedian Gifts

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"Let's discuss this feeling that you're always being blamed for bad golf scores!"

'Actually, you played the hole fairly well...except for the two out of bounds, the three in the pond and the five putts.'

"You tee off last, Ed, otherwise I'll be laughing so hard I won't be able to concentrate!"

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

"Hey, Golfers! When approaching the tee, always remember to keep that sponsorship logo facing the camera. . ."

"Well you always said you'd get your name in the trophy cabinet, Jennings."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

Shake it all about sign on desk

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

'Hey, I'm not paying you people to watch the clock. That's Henderson's job.'

"They don't pull their punches here, do they."

"Back when I was your age the only way to get a promotion was kissing butt."

'Congratulations on your purchase of the new Kablooey! Desk Organizer! Instructions for use...'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Torn-Off Mouse.

"I misjudged you Fenton. I thought you were a 'mover and shaker' but all the time you were just bobbing and weaving."

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

Darren had lost his edge as a 'yes' man...

"It is what it is."

Suggestion box which shreds forms placed in it.

I can outsource your job to someone who'll work longer hours for less money. Less money I can understand...but how do they make the hours longer than 60 minutes?

"I find it best to stay out of office politics!"

Just don't let the old man get you down.

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

"Gentlemen, I've called this meeting to discuss absenteeism."