Clubhouse Chuckle Gifts

'That's why we're vice-presidents, and he's president.'

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

Disco Bunny.

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

Sober Tooth Tiger

"Do kids eat free?"

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

Hypnotoon

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

"So is that a slice of a hook? I never know which is which."

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

A clown has a revelation at the shrink 'And then one day it dawned on me Doc... we're just not funny!'

Gangsta wrap.

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

"It was a really classy restaurant. The waiters drop the food on the floor for you."

The Club

"No, I'm a transplant."

American Express Credit Card

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

Polly Clinic.