Clubhouse Chuckle Gifts

'That's why we're vice-presidents, and he's president.'

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Disco Bunny.

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

Sober Tooth Tiger

"Do kids eat free?"

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

Hypnotoon

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

"So is that a slice of a hook? I never know which is which."

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

A clown has a revelation at the shrink 'And then one day it dawned on me Doc... we're just not funny!'

Gangsta wrap.

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

That's weird - every time I call the self-help hotline, it goes straight to my voicemail.

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"

"It was a really classy restaurant. The waiters drop the food on the floor for you."

American Express Credit Card

"No, I'm a transplant."

The Club

Polly Clinic.

'Whoa Hold up, You need to get you hand stamped,'