Clubhouse Conversationalist Gifts

'Better get back to business and take your mind off golf for a change.'

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

'Read any good Apps lately?'

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"So is that a slice of a hook? I never know which is which."

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

"I unleash greed, disease, and death on the world, and you're saying you ate an apple that made you smart?"

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"Oh I don't think it's as bad as all that. In fact, I think we're in the golden age of something which we won't even realize it's the golden age of until many years from now."

"Let's discuss this feeling that you're always being blamed for bad golf scores!"

'It's going to be harder to get back than you think. We're now part of a subculture of a counter culture.'

"He couldn't sink that last putt, so now he's trying to drown it."

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."

'Fill 'er up!'

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

"Mother, you were right."

"I was quite a successful writer once...what sort of books are you interested in?"

'I think it's finally accurate to say that literally everyone is misusing the word 'literally'.'

"I got married once - to avoid writing."

"Everything has been done to death."

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

"Do you think of yourself as a spiritual person?"

Nice Old Ladies Tend to Look at the Bright Side of Things: 'As kids my brother and I took turns beating each other up!' 'Well, I think it's wonderful when kids take turns!'

"All the good ones are neutered."