Clubhouse Philosopher Gifts

"I became a caddy to have access to doctors.."

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Can I get input from the guys at the bar on this one?'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

"You don't whisper anymore."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

Men gossiping

Ask not for whom happy hour ends. It ends for thee.

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

ONE HORSE TOWN

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

'Man. Piltdown Man.'

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

Brickie's Mate

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

"So that's where you were last night."

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'

If bar stools were like playground swings...