Clubhouse Philosopher Gifts

"I became a caddy to have access to doctors.."

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Can I get input from the guys at the bar on this one?'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

"You don't whisper anymore."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

Men gossiping

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

ONE HORSE TOWN

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

'Man. Piltdown Man.'

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

Brickie's Mate

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"So that's where you were last night."

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'