Bar Room Philosopher Gifts

"I'll get that. First go get me a glass of warm water."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

Ask not for whom happy hour ends. It ends for thee.

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

Men gossiping

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

ONE HORSE TOWN

"All this namby pamby nonsense about stress...I've been stressed for YEARS and it's never done ME any harm... " "But you're only 25!"

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

Brickie's Mate

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'All this talk about a consumer society... I don't buy it.'