Break Room Philosopher Gifts

"My career doesn't reflect what my passions are as much as where my health insurance is."

"I can never find any change here."

"I think somebody thinks I've been away from my desk too long."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"Johnson, what are you doing? It's not time for your break yet."

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

'I pretend to work.They pretend to pay me!'

'I've worked out your pro rated holiday leave on the basis that you only put in a couple of hours real work a day.'

Drinks: Tea, Coffee, Choco, Scalded Leg, Wet Shoe, Half a Cup, No Cup.

"Joey, are you on break again?"

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

'Would you all please congatulate...'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Well did he?"

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

'Right about here I added a drip coffee maker, with high caffeine premium blend coffee, to the employee break room.'

"All this namby pamby nonsense about stress...I've been stressed for YEARS and it's never done ME any harm... " "But you're only 25!"

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

"Think about the honey."

'Yes,we have equal pay in that we are grossly underpaid, all of us.'

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

"So that's where you were last night."

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'I wanted shorter hours, so he cut my breaks.'

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

'Dr. Bone's first opening for a new patient is 2 months from now. Will that work for you?'

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

'Water cooler's really busy this time of day,'

'I suppose you're wondering why you're not on it!'

'Aw, come on guys - at the end of the day, it's only a game - right?'

He's mumbling again! What do you think husbands dream about?

Trust your instinct...listen to that little haunting voice that gives you subtle messages...'call in sick.'

Writer's irony.