Breakroom Philosopher Gifts

"All this namby pamby nonsense about stress...I've been stressed for YEARS and it's never done ME any harm... " "But you're only 25!"

Water: Regular, Premium and Ultra.

'I wanted shorter hours, so he cut my breaks.'

"I'm getting tired of this same old office grind."

"Your work ethic is making the rest of us look bad. Here, have a 5-Hour Lack of Energy drink."

"I forgot to charge my brain last night so I'm going to spend the rest of the day staring at the wall."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Hydro density appartus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

'Wow, look at all these prescription drugs that are out of date.' FLUSH 'Happy as clams explained.'

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

'It's been a rough day, my shirt button fell off, the handle of my brief case came off... I'm too scared to go to the bathroom!'

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

'Dr. Bone's first opening for a new patient is 2 months from now. Will that work for you?'

Vanity artist

"When it takes longer to wash your face, you're getting bald."

"I think somebody thinks I've been away from my desk too long."

'This makes things very messy. He's claiming he programmed the lunchroom toaster to do muffins.'

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

Everyone has a good novel inside them.

I guess Grandpa was once a wise king, too. He always says he does his best thinking on the throne.

'Aw, come on guys - at the end of the day, it's only a game - right?'

Writer's irony.

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

'I. Am. So. Embarrassed! How long have I been sitting across from him with that stuck in my teeth?'

'If they don't want me drinking out of the toilet, what's this roll of napkins for?'

Round the Clock

Yeahhhh, I've goofed-off at the fax machine, laser printer, copier, but I'm a traditionist. Nothing beats the watercooler!

"I'll get that. First go get me a glass of warm water."

Nature is not perfect