Bedroom Philosopher Gifts

So on a scale of one to ten, how's I do? Can I use Fractions?

Why you must get up.

"Self-isolation used to be fun when it was my decision."

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

Your antidepressants are in the oven.

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Where's the magic gone, Harold?"

"I can't be bothered to do nothing, I'm just going to let it happen."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

"Well did he?"

"All this namby pamby nonsense about stress...I've been stressed for YEARS and it's never done ME any harm... " "But you're only 25!"

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

"So that's where you were last night."

"Think about the honey."

"Hydro density appartus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'Wow, look at all these prescription drugs that are out of date.' FLUSH 'Happy as clams explained.'

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

'I wanted shorter hours, so he cut my breaks.'

"I think somebody thinks I've been away from my desk too long."

Vanity artist

"When it takes longer to wash your face, you're getting bald."

'It's been a rough day, my shirt button fell off, the handle of my brief case came off... I'm too scared to go to the bathroom!'

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

Everyone has a good novel inside them.

I guess Grandpa was once a wise king, too. He always says he does his best thinking on the throne.

'Aw, come on guys - at the end of the day, it's only a game - right?'

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

Writer's irony.

'If they don't want me drinking out of the toilet, what's this roll of napkins for?'

'I. Am. So. Embarrassed! How long have I been sitting across from him with that stuck in my teeth?'

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'