Bedtime Philosopher Gifts

"If I fall asleep now, I'll get six hours sleep and be all right. If I fall asleep now, I'll get four hours sleep and drink lots of coffee. If I wake up now, I can call in sick before anyone gets to the office..."

'Am I getting up or going to bed?'

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

"But counting sheep makes me hungry."

Man awoke by phone in a dream

'Are you going to sleep ALL DAY?' 'Since I'm talking to you right now, technically, no.'

'I don't feel like getting out of bed today - Just tell everybody to go with laissez-faire.'

'I don't know what's wrong with you, you seem to have celibacy on the brain!'

"Well did he?"

"I can't sleep. I think I'll get up and solve all my problems."

"I want a story that will shift my paradigm."

Little Marjorie in Delusionland

Sharing the bed - or not.

"Why do you go to bed so late?"

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'Is there any point in the little piggy going to market?'

'I was very good today, Lord, but it was just a fluke.'

'Monday morning feeling? But it's thursday!'

'Sleep on it. That's your answer to everything.'

'Martin develops a sleeping disorder'

He's mumbling again! What do you think husbands dream about?

"Think about the honey."

"I have no idea why Stuart Little’s mother is human — don’t overthink it."

"You can't sleep? Have you tried meditating, then reading for an hour, then going to the couch...."

"The overthinker"

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"I'm down to only one nap a day. From 8 am t0 8 pm."

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

Water power.

"Is this a bad time for our feedback meeting?"

"Honey, wake up. I had that dream again where I wake up and you get angry at me for waking you up."

'Mummy, can you please pull the curtain and make it dark please? I'm scared of the light...'

"Let's go to sleep so that when we wake up today will be tomorrow."

"Someday, son, a giant conglomerate will find a way to harness the moonlight and make us pay for it."

"And from Newton's second law on rigid bodies it can be shown that force equals mass times acceleration...I'll show you."