Midnight Philosopher Gifts

"I also have trouble sleeping. I don't understand why. No one I talk to seems to have any trouble falling asleep."

"If I fall asleep now, I'll get six hours sleep and be all right. If I fall asleep now, I'll get four hours sleep and drink lots of coffee. If I wake up now, I can call in sick before anyone gets to the office..."

"Harold, we need to talk."

"From 3 a. m. to four-thirty, I have you wondering if everything in your life has been a mistake."

"There's the problem. You're being self-conscious. We want unconscious."

"Did I remember to lock the dungeon?"

"Worst sleeping lesson ever."

"The overthinker"

'It's better to light a single candle than curse the darkness.'

'Does anyone feel like I do?'

Tomorrow's another day, he thought, unless I get lucky and sleep right through it.

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

Expired, expired, expired, expired, expired, expired.

'My brain's secret life is keeping me up nights.'

"I had a dream that I was awake and trying to sleep and now I don't know what's going on."

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

That midnight hour when fleeting memories come home to roost.

"Why is it always me that has to get up just as I'm falling asleep to do things I forgot."

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

"Well did he?"

Pachyderm insomnia.

"Think about the honey."

"Honey, wake up. I had that dream again where I wake up and you get angry at me for waking you up."

"Goodnight, Dan, you handsome devil!"

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

"Let's go to sleep so that when we wake up today will be tomorrow."

'Mummy, can you please pull the curtain and make it dark please? I'm scared of the light...'

"Someday, son, a giant conglomerate will find a way to harness the moonlight and make us pay for it."

"Doesn't it make sense to move Casual Friday to Monday?"

Thoughts of Stephen Harper...

"You could always make me laugh but you didn't."

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'