Midnight Philosophers Gifts

'It's great that you can laugh at yourself, but can you not do it in the middle of the night?'

"Why is it always me that has to get up just as I'm falling asleep to do things I forgot."

"The overthinker"

That midnight hour when fleeting memories come home to roost.

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

"Well did he?"

Pachyderm insomnia.

Night-shift entrance

"Think about the honey."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

'Mummy, can you please pull the curtain and make it dark please? I'm scared of the light...'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"Honey, wake up. I had that dream again where I wake up and you get angry at me for waking you up."

"Let's go to sleep so that when we wake up today will be tomorrow."

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

"Someday, son, a giant conglomerate will find a way to harness the moonlight and make us pay for it."

"I also have trouble sleeping. I don't understand why. No one I talk to seems to have any trouble falling asleep."

Expired, expired, expired, expired, expired, expired.

Tomorrow's another day, he thought, unless I get lucky and sleep right through it.

Thoughts of Stephen Harper...

"You could always make me laugh but you didn't."

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

'I'm going to the library to study, so don't wait up.'

'I know these safety meetings tend to run very late, however... '

'I don't know what's wrong with you, you seem to have celibacy on the brain!'

"Wake up, baby. I just realized how my insomnia is all your fault."

"It's 2 A.M. Do you know where your p***s is?"

"See, Timmy? No boogeymen under your bed — they're all out there."

"So this sense of failure stems from the fact that you're not catching any worms despite getting up early?"