Nighttime Philosophers Gifts

"That's another thing about being nocturnal – nothing's open."

"Let's go to sleep so that when we wake up today will be tomorrow."

'It's great that you can laugh at yourself, but can you not do it in the middle of the night?'

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

"The overthinker"

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

"Well did he?"

"Think about the honey."

Night-shift entrance

Using Frank Drake's famous equation, Betty calculates the probability of finding intelligent life on a Saturday night.

"Goodnight, Dan, you handsome devil!"

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"Honey, wake up. I had that dream again where I wake up and you get angry at me for waking you up."

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

'Mummy, can you please pull the curtain and make it dark please? I'm scared of the light...'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"Someday, son, a giant conglomerate will find a way to harness the moonlight and make us pay for it."

"I also have trouble sleeping. I don't understand why. No one I talk to seems to have any trouble falling asleep."

Expired, expired, expired, expired, expired, expired.

Thoughts of Stephen Harper...

"You could always make me laugh but you didn't."

Tomorrow's another day, he thought, unless I get lucky and sleep right through it.

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

'I don't know what's wrong with you, you seem to have celibacy on the brain!'

'I know these safety meetings tend to run very late, however... '

"Must you bring your work to bed?"

'I waste Sunday worrying about Monday, so I compensate by making Friday my Saturday.'

"Wake up, baby. I just realized how my insomnia is all your fault."

Siggy

"See, Timmy? No boogeymen under your bed — they're all out there."

"So this sense of failure stems from the fact that you're not catching any worms despite getting up early?"

"Ask not for whom the refrigerator hums..."

'Sometimes late at night I'm not sure the leading economic indicators know where they're going,'

"I had a dream that I was awake and trying to sleep and now I don't know what's going on."