Bedtime Ponderer Gifts

'I'm stupid Why have I taken a soporific'

That midnight hour when fleeting memories come home to roost.

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

Totalitarian Humour

"Lately, I've been trying to spend less time staring at the glowing orb."

"Well did he?"

Pachyderm insomnia.

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Think about the honey."

"No. You turn over."

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

"Did the cow that jumped over the moon have NASA funding?"

Frog Baby Names

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"That would've gone better if I'd gotten here with my gift list instead of my spelling list."

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

"How can back to back be your favourite position?"

'Mummy, what's a daddy one of those called?'

"It says here we should get a lodger."

A shark is reading a book entitled 'Swimming with the lawyers'.

"Forget the future, tell me what happened to the past ten years."

'We'll take it. Come along Rex.'

'Was it good for you?' 'I haven't finished yet!'

'...if you look at it in the right way it begins to make sense.'

Fingers

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

'I don't know what's wrong with you, you seem to have celibacy on the brain!'

The Invention of Reading in Bed.

'This time last year you told me that I would meet a tall handsome stranger. Now I need his name and address.'

"It's a terrible hiccup you got there. . . let me help you.. I made a dent in the car today!"

Fifty Shades of Yellow

A baby marks time on the walls of the uterus.