Bedtime Ponderer Gifts

'I'm stupid Why have I taken a soporific'

That midnight hour when fleeting memories come home to roost.

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"Lately, I've been trying to spend less time staring at the glowing orb."

"Well did he?"

Totalitarian Humour

Pachyderm insomnia.

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

"Think about the honey."

"No. You turn over."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"Did the cow that jumped over the moon have NASA funding?"

Frog Baby Names

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

"That would've gone better if I'd gotten here with my gift list instead of my spelling list."

"How can back to back be your favourite position?"

"It says here we should get a lodger."

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

'Mummy, what's a daddy one of those called?'

A shark is reading a book entitled 'Swimming with the lawyers'.

"Forget the future, tell me what happened to the past ten years."

'We'll take it. Come along Rex.'

Fingers

'...if you look at it in the right way it begins to make sense.'

He's mumbling again! What do you think husbands dream about?

'Was it good for you?' 'I haven't finished yet!'

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

'I don't know what's wrong with you, you seem to have celibacy on the brain!'

"It's a terrible hiccup you got there. . . let me help you.. I made a dent in the car today!"

'This time last year you told me that I would meet a tall handsome stranger. Now I need his name and address.'

The Quack Quack Diaries - Quack Quack Gets Repossessed

Fifty Shades of Yellow

"How's your beer coming, Eddie?"