End-of-days Ponderer Gifts

'Hurry! You barely made it here in time.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"We'll destroy it to the ground ... ...and then..."

"Now that was post-modern sex."

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

The Final Selfie

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

Frog Baby Names

'It's the middle of the summer. You've been hallucinating again.'

"That would've gone better if I'd gotten here with my gift list instead of my spelling list."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'He's always looking for an argument!'

'Mummy, what's a daddy one of those called?'

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

The End is Relative

"So this is fun---the artist is actually with us tonight."

Fingers

'...if you look at it in the right way it begins to make sense.'

'Hurry up and enjoy your life as a pensioner! Three.. Two.. One..'

"The season finale of the world is near."

'It looks like our time is up.'

The thinker.

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

"Would it have killed you to shave first?"

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

'What's it all about?'

'All dogs have four legs. All tables have four legs. All dogs are tables."

The Diary

"The imaginary people keep telling me that I'm crazy..."

"I'll never forget my father, near death, saying 'get me a pen... I'm going to change my will.' But it was Sunday, and all the stationery stores were closed."

Whatever it is I usually think about.

The Thinker

"We've already done this room. I remember that fire extinguisher."