Closet Philosopher Gifts

"Harold is a closet intellectual and he's never coming out."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Studies show foods work miracles!

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

The Three Kinds of People

"I don't believe in egrets."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

"So that's where you were last night."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."