Closet Philosophers Gifts

Things I should be proud of - but am not. Things I shouldn't be proud of - but am.

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Studies show foods work miracles!

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

"So that's where you were last night."

Psychiatrist with bust of Freud

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

'As your financial advisor, I'd have to advise you to change your main income provider,'

Axel, I notice you read a lot of highbrow books

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

"Tom, let's explore why you feel Andrea's inability to understand 'icing the puck' is passive-aggressive."

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

The big questions in life.

'Your dilemma is fabulous. Imagine what a dramaturge could do with it.'

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"When I grow up, I want to impeach a president."

"I suppose we could burst onto the literary scene."

'You cant do anything these days without someone suspecting your motives. . . there is only one way out. . . inaction.'

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

"I have this relationship with money, it's complicated."

All kidding aside, let me explain why I get to call you Al, yet you have to call me Dr. Kapuchnik. It's simply because I'm a psychiatrist and you're a bum. It's nothing personal. Thanks for explaining. I feel better.

'Hey! - why bicker all evening when we could be watching a film about ideological genocide.'