Closet Intellectual Gifts

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

The intellectual.

Shoe addict.

"You won't believe this but I haven't a thing to wear"

And this is a little ditty I wrote called 'the third quarters profit and loss account' ...Colin often wished that he'd followed his first love and taken up a career as a musician

Maria had always said you could never have too many shoes. Actually, she was wrong.

Hat Boxes, in the Closet

"I have a whole closet full of running clothes I never wear."

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

A woman and her home simultaneously achieve 'casual'.

The Mattress Savings Bank

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

"How many capsule wardrobes is this again?"

Closet.

...she found out that the basque he'd bought wasn't for her.

'This closet needs digitized.'

'And this is the walk-in clos..' - 'We'll take it!!'

'I want a classic that reveals eternal truths, absolute justice and moral courage without challenging my basic prejudices.'

We're all litigation crazy. Last week I had to sue my wife for joint custody of the closet.

"That? - oh my husband - a closet bricklayer."

'I guess you'd call it a queer request. He wants his ashes put in a fruit jar and hidden in the closet.'

"Oh, I love this! The huge walk-in closet comes with it's own master bedroom!"

'Does it have plenty of closet space? My husband sulks a lot.'

'Now, are you looking for a closet or something under a bed?'

"So how come you never sent them a 'common-sense' pandemic."

"Harold is a closet intellectual and he's never coming out."

Triceratops - "A Turtleneck? You couldn't get me a shirt with buttons?

Bishop looking non plussed with a shepherds' crook for a question mark above his head.

The woman next door bought a coat exactly like mine!

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

'Do you like my new dress dear?' (Price reads - An arm and a leg)