Closet Expert Gifts

'Does it have plenty of closet space? My husband sulks a lot.'

Shoe addict.

"You won't believe this but I haven't a thing to wear"

Maria had always said you could never have too many shoes. Actually, she was wrong.

Hat Boxes, in the Closet

"I have a whole closet full of running clothes I never wear."

A woman and her home simultaneously achieve 'casual'.

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"How many capsule wardrobes is this again?"

"Trust me, you won't miss the air when you see this closet space."

"Can you de-schlump him?"

Time to put away your presents. I don't have room. You said you "needed" a new jacket. I do! My old one's too small. Donate it. I would. But I can't get it out of my closet.

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

Pressing Problem

'This closet needs digitized.'

Closet.

'And don't shrink it in a hot wash.'

'And this is the walk-in clos..' - 'We'll take it!!'

'Did you ever use the American Apparel voucher I gave you?'

"That? - oh my husband - a closet bricklayer."

We're all litigation crazy. Last week I had to sue my wife for joint custody of the closet.

'I guess you'd call it a queer request. He wants his ashes put in a fruit jar and hidden in the closet.'

"Oh, I love this! The huge walk-in closet comes with it's own master bedroom!"

For Sale. And, of course, there's a roomy walk-in closet.

'Now, are you looking for a closet or something under a bed?'

Honey?! Can you bring up two crowbars to Twig's room? What for? She needs help. Mo-om! You're being extreme. Done! You've got plenty of space to hang your new Christmas clothes. Ok. I'll clean out my closet. Our work is done!

"Harold is a closet intellectual and he's never coming out."

'Do you like my new dress dear?' (Price reads - An arm and a leg)

"You really need to get rid of these clothes if you want to stop being mistaken for a historical re-enactor."

"Does my overdraft look big in this?"

Puppetry of the Penis

"Should I wear my usual pants, or the same pants but newer?"

'Isn't it enough to have long hair?'

'Don't think of it as losing a daughter - think of it as gaining a closet.'