Closet Expert Pillows

'Does it have plenty of closet space? My husband sulks a lot.'

Shoe addict.

"You won't believe this but I haven't a thing to wear"

Maria had always said you could never have too many shoes. Actually, she was wrong.

Hat Boxes, in the Closet

"I have a whole closet full of running clothes I never wear."

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

A woman and her home simultaneously achieve 'casual'.

"How many capsule wardrobes is this again?"

'This closet needs digitized.'

"Can you de-schlump him?"

Pressing Problem

Closet.

'And don't shrink it in a hot wash.'

"Trust me, you won't miss the air when you see this closet space."

'And this is the walk-in clos..' - 'We'll take it!!'

"That? - oh my husband - a closet bricklayer."

We're all litigation crazy. Last week I had to sue my wife for joint custody of the closet.

"Oh, I love this! The huge walk-in closet comes with it's own master bedroom!"

'I guess you'd call it a queer request. He wants his ashes put in a fruit jar and hidden in the closet.'

'Now, are you looking for a closet or something under a bed?'

"Harold is a closet intellectual and he's never coming out."

"You really need to get rid of these clothes if you want to stop being mistaken for a historical re-enactor."

'Do you like my new dress dear?' (Price reads - An arm and a leg)

"Does my overdraft look big in this?"

'Do you have that in red?'

'Isn't it enough to have long hair?'

Puppetry of the Penis

'Don't think of it as losing a daughter - think of it as gaining a closet.'

"Should I wear my usual pants, or the same pants but newer?"