Closet Strategist Gifts

"Do I wear my team colors, my gang colors, my school colors, my city colors..."

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

Shoe addict.

"You won't believe this but I haven't a thing to wear"

A tourist struggling with loads of luggage

Hats: Management/Good Job/Friendly but Aloof.

"This trip, we'd like to go everywhere our luggage goes."

Hat Boxes, in the Closet

'Good to know my whole social life hasn't been a complete waste.'

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

'The Parkinson would be good PR, but should I wear the hair shirt or the sackcloth and ashes?'

A woman and her home simultaneously achieve 'casual'.

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

'Sure it looks bad now, but try to imagine it with the right shoes.'

"At these prices, what do you expect?"

Closet.

Wearing all black

'This closet needs digitized.'

'And this is the walk-in clos..' - 'We'll take it!!'

"What!?"

"That? - oh my husband - a closet bricklayer."

"I see we're all going into this interview a little superstitious."

'The classic pinstripe with construction boots delivers the authoritative butt-kicking power needed for Monday morning meetings.'

We're all litigation crazy. Last week I had to sue my wife for joint custody of the closet.

"The full partner look."

"Oh, I love this! The huge walk-in closet comes with it's own master bedroom!"

'Bad news, sir...the enemy is wearing the hottest fashions in uniforms which will render ours, like, totally last year!'

'I guess you'd call it a queer request. He wants his ashes put in a fruit jar and hidden in the closet.'

For Sale. And, of course, there's a roomy walk-in closet.

'Now, are you looking for a closet or something under a bed?'

Honey?! Can you bring up two crowbars to Twig's room? What for? She needs help. Mo-om! You're being extreme. Done! You've got plenty of space to hang your new Christmas clothes. Ok. I'll clean out my closet. Our work is done!

'Does it have plenty of closet space? My husband sulks a lot.'

"Harold is a closet intellectual and he's never coming out."

"That tie, Merrick. It's not your friend."