Couch Philosophers Gifts

"I don't think this is doing me any good."

"In existential philosophical news, today's surge in somethingness offset yesterday's decline in nothingness...."

Psychiatrist - 'Well, if you have nothing to say, I did some exciting things since our last session.'

"Looking at these old photos reminds me of what a manipulative, gaslighting sadist mother was."

'You know, you're a real piece of work, Al.'

'He used the treadmill, once.'

Psychiatrist with bust of Freud

'How do you ever get sick?'

"I have this relationship with money, it's complicated."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

"Bloody hell!"

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

"All of a dither as per usual!"

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

"Tom, let's explore why you feel Andrea's inability to understand 'icing the puck' is passive-aggressive."

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."