Couch Philosopher Gifts

"These days, I'm mostly just legislating from the couch."

The mind-body problem

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

"I don't know if a nap is part of God's plan for me."

'How long have you had this need to be in control?'

Studies show foods work miracles!

Psychiatrist analysing Sigmund Freud.

Man's indomitable sense of adventure.

"Ask your doctor if taking a pill to solve all your problems is right for you."

'What happened to their pioneer spirit?'

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

"He's stopped waiting for Brexit and moved on with his life."

Map - You Are Here, but Mentally You're Here

"I'm from the future and I want to go out for dinner."

"At first I was a little concerned when we were sentenced to be stoned to death."

'Everyone wants to put me back in the bottle!'

The big questions in life.

Dr.Phil McGraw

"Harley's always been into plant based eating. He plants his base in a chair and eats!"

"Have you ever noticed the news is sponsored by a pain reliever?"

White dot on TV screen, man says: 'There are two possibilities ? the TV is broken, or the media has finally disappeared up its own arse.'

"So, how are you?"

'Frankly there's nothing wrong with you that a hefty bill from me couldn't cure.'

"Don't try to understand them, just ride and rope and brand them."

"You want to hear the facts according to your favorite cable new station or mine?"

"Quit blaming your mother. And get your feet off the couch."

"If you get chilly, use that crazy quilt."

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

I had a very happy childhood, until last week when my mommy kicked me out.

"So, when did you first have these overwhelming urges to spend �100s on therapy?"

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"If I see that commercial one more time, I can hate it enough to ignore it."

"Remember, Mr. Hicks, the stock market - and life - reward risk-takers. So the first step is for you to come from under the couch and discuss it."

'You call it a beer belly, I prefer to think of it as a lump sum settlement of liquid assets.'

"Where the conspiracy theories of the right overlap the conspiracy theories of the left, you'll find Richard."