Sports Couch Philosopher Gifts

"I'm knackered trying to keep tabs on the potential consequences of the away goal rule!"

"Good game."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Studies show foods work miracles!

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

Psychiatrist with bust of Freud

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

'As your financial advisor, I'd have to advise you to change your main income provider,'

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"Tom, let's explore why you feel Andrea's inability to understand 'icing the puck' is passive-aggressive."

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

"I have this relationship with money, it's complicated."

"When did this game get started?"

"You just said, ‘And then I killed my first and second husbands.’ ... Let's explore that."

"When I grow up, I want to impeach a president."

'You cant do anything these days without someone suspecting your motives. . . there is only one way out. . . inaction.'