Football Philosopher Gifts

"Sorry, I don't know what a handball is anymore either."

Bill hid the football while the cat took the blame for the broken vase.

'If it makes you feel any better, when I was your age, bullies used to put a 'Kick Me' sign on my back, too.'

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."

'I wouldn't mind but the video replay showed I was right to award the penalty.'

'We lost six nil!. . . and we were lucky to get the nil!'

'OK, footballers are not worth their millions - how much would YOU pay to watch someone do YOUR job?'

'I guess it's progress of a kind. They used to destroy entire continents; now it's just us!'

"Good game."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

"Yin and Yankee fan"

'I'm feeling a little remiss about missing both free throws.'

"You have a good lie."

"Sure, Pop, I see the ball—what I don't see are incentives."

"This song is dedicated to all of you who have been having a hard time deciding between the big bang and steady state theories."

'I wandered lonely as Wayne Rooney playing up front for England.'

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

'Looks like I might have to rethink the football idea!'

World Cup. Half Empty.

Stats. Fantasy League. The difference between men and boys is men draft their imaginary friends onto fantasy sports teams.

Coulda Woulda Shoulda.

'Because Elvis is FULL of philosophical insights.'

Match Fixing in Malaysia

A footballer is having an eye test.

'Violence solves everything...'

'I will need to watch the replay.'

...'So I said forget about the wages, I just want to play football.'

"I don't know this one."

Football math: 57% + 53% = : 'This is what I expect from every player, every play!'

The Thinking Man's Rugby

"I'm knackered trying to keep tabs on the potential consequences of the away goal rule!"