Football Skeptic Gifts

'I've wasted decades convincing myself that I actually like football.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'That's not what is meant by a free kick.'

"Yin and Yankee fan"

"Sure, Pop, I see the ball—what I don't see are incentives."

End of football season - UK

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

"I admit saying England had no hope of winning the World Cup, me Lord, but it isn't treason."

"By the time I develop a true understanding of sand, I'll probably be forced into some sort of organized sports."

'Looks like I might have to rethink the football idea!'

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."

World Cup. Half Empty.

Match Fixing in Malaysia

Coulda Woulda Shoulda.

'I'm sorry but the manager doesn't like me taking calls at work!'

"It's simple, really. You're a team member when you want something. You're an employee when I want something."

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

"I hate golf. There's something unnatural about a game where the lowest score wins."

'They call me 'ka-ching'...I'm the go-to cash player.'

...'So I said forget about the wages, I just want to play football.'

'I will need to watch the replay.'

'Big deal. I could win every race too, if I used performance-enhancing sugar.'

The Thinking Man's Rugby

'I'm what you can't learn at Harvard Business school.'

A couple of muskrats talk: 'Frankly, I've had it with hockey.'

"Sorry, I don't know what a handball is anymore either."

'And I see you have a degree from the University of Wikipedia...'

"What kind of idiot gets suckered into something like that?"

'Amazing! You're the first patient I've ever met who gets blisters on his feet and pain in his back just by thinking of sport!'

'I wouldn't mind but the video replay showed I was right to award the penalty.'

Lonely Trump Rally in Tulsa

"I can't sleep, I've just read the weather forecast and I'm afraid that Cliff Richard will sing again..."

'We lost six nil!. . . and we were lucky to get the nil!'