Sports Skeptics Gifts

"Now isn’t this better than that silly Super Bowl game?"

What's with all the cameras? They're filming seniors for college field hockey recruiters. I'll never be good enough to get admitted. It's just a game. In the real world. No one cared you even played. Then why do they make us do sports? To take your mind off all the college pressure!

'For the 100th time! I have never used steroids!'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

Look! This says that space aliens have landed and have taken over control of the earth. Boy that's a load off my mind!

Footballer playing for time

"This is the little league. You can't negotiate a signing bonus"

"I admit saying England had no hope of winning the World Cup, me Lord, but it isn't treason."

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

"By the time I develop a true understanding of sand, I'll probably be forced into some sort of organized sports."

'Team spirit, my ass.'

"It's simple, really. You're a team member when you want something. You're an employee when I want something."

'Big deal. I could win every race too, if I used performance-enhancing sugar.'

A couple of muskrats talk: 'Frankly, I've had it with hockey.'

'Baldo, being on TV requires talent.'

"I hate golf. There's something unnatural about a game where the lowest score wins."

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

'Touch me and I'll see you in Strasbourg.'

'Amazing! You're the first patient I've ever met who gets blisters on his feet and pain in his back just by thinking of sport!'

'I can't decide which I'm least excited about...the royal wedding or the Olympics.'

"Like many Americans, I allowed myself to believe the mainstream media’s distorted, dystopian portrait of President Trump. I no longer hold this belief..."

'I said I was bored, not unconscious.'

Lonely Trump Rally in Tulsa

'Crickets? I mean cricket?'

Football League - Concussions R Us.

'Here! Call the contractor. I don't want to hear any nonsense about goals, or touchdowns, or baskets. I want to see shovels! Lots and lots of shovels!'

'The number of people who, like me, don't trust the media anymore is steadily rising...'

'I'm using my eyes, how are you looking at it?'

'...You've got no game.'

"Personally, I liked this place better before it became a sports bar."

"In a blinding flash, Norman suddenly realises the mind-numbing boredom and utter futility of the sport that is called golf..."

"Olympics? It's the first I've heard of the Olympics being on."

'You know, I'm really tired of reading news stories -- Let's just chat at random for awhile, okay?'

"Thank You For Not Mentioning Dr. Oz."