Sports Skeptics Gifts

"Now isn’t this better than that silly Super Bowl game?"

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

Footballer playing for time

"This is the little league. You can't negotiate a signing bonus"

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

"By the time I develop a true understanding of sand, I'll probably be forced into some sort of organized sports."

'Team spirit, my ass.'

"It's simple, really. You're a team member when you want something. You're an employee when I want something."

"I hate golf. There's something unnatural about a game where the lowest score wins."

'Big deal. I could win every race too, if I used performance-enhancing sugar.'

A couple of muskrats talk: 'Frankly, I've had it with hockey.'

'Baldo, being on TV requires talent.'

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

'Touch me and I'll see you in Strasbourg.'

'Amazing! You're the first patient I've ever met who gets blisters on his feet and pain in his back just by thinking of sport!'

Lonely Trump Rally in Tulsa

"Like many Americans, I allowed myself to believe the mainstream media’s distorted, dystopian portrait of President Trump. I no longer hold this belief..."

'Here! Call the contractor. I don't want to hear any nonsense about goals, or touchdowns, or baskets. I want to see shovels! Lots and lots of shovels!'

'I'm using my eyes, how are you looking at it?'

'I said I was bored, not unconscious.'

'I can't decide which I'm least excited about...the royal wedding or the Olympics.'

'Crickets? I mean cricket?'

'The number of people who, like me, don't trust the media anymore is steadily rising...'

Football League - Concussions R Us.

'...You've got no game.'

"Personally, I liked this place better before it became a sports bar."

"In a blinding flash, Norman suddenly realises the mind-numbing boredom and utter futility of the sport that is called golf..."

"Thank You For Not Mentioning Dr. Oz."

"Olympics? It's the first I've heard of the Olympics being on."

'You know, I'm really tired of reading news stories -- Let's just chat at random for awhile, okay?'

Since I don't understand sports, I have no metaphors to use for our business situation.'

Bull's eye for Russian doping

"There's no need to be alarmed, Mr McNulty. It's quite normal for some boys to show no interest in football."