Sport Skeptics Gifts

'What a stupid game. Who'd want to play that?'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

Footballer playing for time

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

"I admit saying England had no hope of winning the World Cup, me Lord, but it isn't treason."

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

"By the time I develop a true understanding of sand, I'll probably be forced into some sort of organized sports."

"We daren't go in there at our age. We'd probably end up with slipped discos!"

'Team spirit, my ass.'

"It's simple, really. You're a team member when you want something. You're an employee when I want something."

"I hate golf. There's something unnatural about a game where the lowest score wins."

"Come on! It's the final lap!"

A couple of muskrats talk: 'Frankly, I've had it with hockey.'

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

'Big deal. I could win every race too, if I used performance-enhancing sugar.'

'Amazing! You're the first patient I've ever met who gets blisters on his feet and pain in his back just by thinking of sport!'

'Touch me and I'll see you in Strasbourg.'

What's with all the cameras? They're filming seniors for college field hockey recruiters. I'll never be good enough to get admitted. It's just a game. In the real world. No one cared you even played. Then why do they make us do sports? To take your mind off all the college pressure!

Lonely Trump Rally in Tulsa

"Now isn’t this better than that silly Super Bowl game?"

'I'm using my eyes, how are you looking at it?'

'Here! Call the contractor. I don't want to hear any nonsense about goals, or touchdowns, or baskets. I want to see shovels! Lots and lots of shovels!'

'I said I was bored, not unconscious.'

Football League - Concussions R Us.

'I can't decide which I'm least excited about...the royal wedding or the Olympics.'

'Crickets? I mean cricket?'

'...You've got no game.'

"Personally, I liked this place better before it became a sports bar."

"Olympics? It's the first I've heard of the Olympics being on."

'For the 100th time! I have never used steroids!'

"I'm eighteen, Clay. I don't have to work out."

"In a blinding flash, Norman suddenly realises the mind-numbing boredom and utter futility of the sport that is called golf..."

Since I don't understand sports, I have no metaphors to use for our business situation.'

"I had a feeling they wouldn't stop at artificial turf."

Bull's eye for Russian doping