Golf Skeptics Gifts

'I've been retired a month and I already hate the game.'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

Support Group for the Directionally Challenged.

"You have a good lie."

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

"By the time I develop a true understanding of sand, I'll probably be forced into some sort of organized sports."

'Big deal. I could win every race too, if I used performance-enhancing sugar.'

“The children claimed to love nature, even as they warmed themselves by roasting the dismembered limbs of the tree’s mother.”

TOLD YOU TO TAKE LESSONS FROM GOLF PRO

"I hate golf. There's something unnatural about a game where the lowest score wins."

'Amazing! You're the first patient I've ever met who gets blisters on his feet and pain in his back just by thinking of sport!'

"What kind of idiot gets suckered into something like that?"

'I am so very frustrated! I know it's hard for you to understand, but you don't know the golf course.'

"Now isn’t this better than that silly Super Bowl game?"

'I said I was bored, not unconscious.'

'You're right, there's nothing in the rules against it.'

'I can't decide which I'm least excited about...the royal wedding or the Olympics.'

'You'll never see me out jogging.'

'Crickets? I mean cricket?'

'...You've got no game.'

"Personally, I liked this place better before it became a sports bar."

"Forget that ball caddie, there's another just like it up here that I can tap in...."

The Educated Golfer or The Instinctive Golfer

"In a blinding flash, Norman suddenly realises the mind-numbing boredom and utter futility of the sport that is called golf..."

Golfing Fakir.

'Every Sunday I thank God that I'm an atheist!'

"Why do you like playing Bingo so much, Tia Carmen?"

'You may have misunderstood about Yompville being a country club prison.'

"There's no need to be alarmed, Mr McNulty. It's quite normal for some boys to show no interest in football."