Philosophical Golfer Gifts

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

'Every Sunday I thank God that I'm an atheist!'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"I'm bored."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

"Recess does things to a man."

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

"I'm doing whatever I feel like doing, before I reach the age of accountability."

'Play post office? -- I don't like violent games.'

"Do you want to talk about it?"

'Don't let them know you're a prodigy. If they find out, they'll take away your teddy bear.'

"Maths is easy because it's so logical. 2 + 2 obviously equals 22."

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

"Ok, so I go back and forth… Then what?"

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

'They're relics of the many ancient civilization that have dwelled at Blisshaven.'

"It turns out I just wasted the whole morning networking with a dog."

'If you can't control your temper,sister,you shouldn't be playing this game!'

'You put it down for five seconds. I get it now.'

"I'll wear any kind of dirt, but I prefer a rich loam with lots of humus."

Solitaire card shark.

Golfing with God.

'I'm not making a mess, Mom -- I'm becoming one with the Earth!'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

"What they lose on the swings we gain on the roundabouts."

"OK, I'll play outside, but what do I do when I get out of Wi-Fi range?"

'I don't have to go to school. My mom teachers me.'

"You have a good lie."

"Sure, Pop, I see the ball—what I don't see are incentives."

'Looks like I might have to rethink the football idea!'

"By the time I develop a true understanding of sand, I'll probably be forced into some sort of organized sports."

"Edward, if you don't mind, this is very serious."

"Word around school is you've been attributing Shakespeare's works to Edward de Vere."