Golf Course Philosopher Gifts

'I am so very frustrated! I know it's hard for you to understand, but you don't know the golf course.'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

The Educated Golfer or The Instinctive Golfer

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"I'm bored."

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

"Recess does things to a man."

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

"I'm doing whatever I feel like doing, before I reach the age of accountability."

'Don't let them know you're a prodigy. If they find out, they'll take away your teddy bear.'

'Play post office? -- I don't like violent games.'

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Maths is easy because it's so logical. 2 + 2 obviously equals 22."

'When I said address the ball I didn't mean like that!'

'They're relics of the many ancient civilization that have dwelled at Blisshaven.'

"Ok, so I go back and forth… Then what?"

"It turns out I just wasted the whole morning networking with a dog."

"So is that a slice of a hook? I never know which is which."

'You put it down for five seconds. I get it now.'

"I'll wear any kind of dirt, but I prefer a rich loam with lots of humus."

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

"There goes the merger between Brigg's corporation and Ludlow industries!"

'I'm not making a mess, Mom -- I'm becoming one with the Earth!'

"What they lose on the swings we gain on the roundabouts."

"OK, I'll play outside, but what do I do when I get out of Wi-Fi range?"

'I don't have to go to school. My mom teachers me.'

'On this hole you don't drive, just putt.'

"I can't tell if Ed is taking a long time to line up his shot... Or if he fell asleep again!"

"Sure, Pop, I see the ball—what I don't see are incentives."

"You have a good lie."

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

'Looks like I might have to rethink the football idea!'