Golf Course Philosopher Gifts

'I am so very frustrated! I know it's hard for you to understand, but you don't know the golf course.'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

The Educated Golfer or The Instinctive Golfer

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"I'm bored."

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

"Recess does things to a man."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

"I'm doing whatever I feel like doing, before I reach the age of accountability."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

'Don't let them know you're a prodigy. If they find out, they'll take away your teddy bear.'

'Play post office? -- I don't like violent games.'

"Maths is easy because it's so logical. 2 + 2 obviously equals 22."

'When I said address the ball I didn't mean like that!'

"Ok, so I go back and forth… Then what?"

"It turns out I just wasted the whole morning networking with a dog."

'They're relics of the many ancient civilization that have dwelled at Blisshaven.'

"So is that a slice of a hook? I never know which is which."

'You put it down for five seconds. I get it now.'

"I'll wear any kind of dirt, but I prefer a rich loam with lots of humus."

"There goes the merger between Brigg's corporation and Ludlow industries!"

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

'I'm not making a mess, Mom -- I'm becoming one with the Earth!'

"What they lose on the swings we gain on the roundabouts."

'I don't have to go to school. My mom teachers me.'

"OK, I'll play outside, but what do I do when I get out of Wi-Fi range?"

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

The 18-hole course is to the left and a 9-hole course is to the right --- Which do you want to play? I'll decide after my first tee shot?

"You have a good lie."

"Sure, Pop, I see the ball—what I don't see are incentives."

"I can't tell if Ed is taking a long time to line up his shot... Or if he fell asleep again!"

'On this hole you don't drive, just putt.'