Sporting Philosopher Gifts

'Violence solves everything...'

"Good game."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

Critisize your weight.

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

Winter Weather.

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

Guy in gym

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

T-shirt reads: 'No Pain, No Pain.'

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

"Yin and Yankee fan"

'On my new diet I can eat anything I want, but have to walk 500 miles a day.'

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

"You have a good lie."

"Up here everything is pretty much opposite."

Yoga. Welcome back! Thank you. Why did you stop coming? I couldn't decide if I liked yoga, or

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

"Sure, Pop, I see the ball—what I don't see are incentives."

'Looks like I might have to rethink the football idea!'

Coulda Woulda Shoulda.

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."

"How much does it cost to buy a membership then never use it?"

"Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body. . ."

'It was wishful thinking when they called me 'Flash': I've never won a race in my whole life...'

The Thinking Man's Rugby

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'

"Just fetch, don't ask why."

'I will need to watch the replay.'

...'So I said forget about the wages, I just want to play football.'

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

"I'm knackered trying to keep tabs on the potential consequences of the away goal rule!"

"Sorry, I don't know what a handball is anymore either."