Sporting Philosopher Pillows

'Violence solves everything...'

"Good game."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

Critisize your weight.

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

Winter Weather.

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

Guy in gym

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

T-shirt reads: 'No Pain, No Pain.'

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

"Yin and Yankee fan"

'On my new diet I can eat anything I want, but have to walk 500 miles a day.'

"Up here everything is pretty much opposite."

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

"Sure, Pop, I see the ball—what I don't see are incentives."

"You have a good lie."

'Looks like I might have to rethink the football idea!'

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."

Coulda Woulda Shoulda.

"How much does it cost to buy a membership then never use it?"

"Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body. . ."

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

The Thinking Man's Rugby

"I'm knackered trying to keep tabs on the potential consequences of the away goal rule!"

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'

"Just fetch, don't ask why."

'It was wishful thinking when they called me 'Flash': I've never won a race in my whole life...'

'I will need to watch the replay.'

"Sorry, I don't know what a handball is anymore either."

"I was going to mow the lawn, but I pulled three muscles trying to start the mower. It's been a long winter."