Sports Philosophers Gifts

The self-esteem police go to the olympics

"Good game."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Critisize your weight.

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

Guy in gym

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

T-shirt reads: 'No Pain, No Pain.'

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

"Yin and Yankee fan"

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

'On my new diet I can eat anything I want, but have to walk 500 miles a day.'

"Up here everything is pretty much opposite."

"Sure, Pop, I see the ball—what I don't see are incentives."

"You have a good lie."

Yoga. Welcome back! Thank you. Why did you stop coming? I couldn't decide if I liked yoga, or

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

"By the time I develop a true understanding of sand, I'll probably be forced into some sort of organized sports."

'Looks like I might have to rethink the football idea!'

"We're not too concerned about him not graduating. We've only made it to tenth grade so we're already proud."

Coulda Woulda Shoulda.

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."

"How much does it cost to buy a membership then never use it?"

'Violence solves everything...'

"Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body. . ."

'Big deal. I could win every race too, if I used performance-enhancing sugar.'

"Just fetch, don't ask why."

The Thinking Man's Rugby

'I will need to watch the replay.'

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

...'So I said forget about the wages, I just want to play football.'