Sports Bar Philosopher Gifts

"Personally, I liked this place better before it became a sports bar."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

Ask not for whom happy hour ends. It ends for thee.

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

Men gossiping

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

ONE HORSE TOWN

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

If bar stools were like playground swings...

'All this talk about a consumer society... I don't buy it.'

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Brickie's Mate

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...