Sports Bar Philosopher Gifts

"Personally, I liked this place better before it became a sports bar."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Check your universal remote control at the door.

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Men gossiping

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

ONE HORSE TOWN

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

'All this talk about a consumer society... I don't buy it.'

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

Brickie's Mate

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

If bar stools were like playground swings...