Sports Bar Skeptic Gifts

'Gloria hates sports bars. Guys always make a pass at her.'

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'They've made this 3D football really realistic, it even chucks coins at you.'

"Blowing the whistle is perfect for a sports bar to let its patrons know that Happy Hour is over."

'I warned him about watching the game at the opposition's pub.'

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

Live soccer today.

sports bar buffet : Hotdogs/pizza/Corn-on-the-Ty Cobb

"By the time I develop a true understanding of sand, I'll probably be forced into some sort of organized sports."

'Team spirit, my ass.'

The Sports Fanatic

Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool? That's on of those things you always see an alpha male do: stand around a pool hall polishing his stick and racking up the balls.

'I think he's been doped by the rival team.'

'He is our darts team captain,he always finishes on a double.'

Old Fred's Seat

'Big deal. I could win every race too, if I used performance-enhancing sugar.'

"Sulk all you want Edward, we are not adding sporting equipment to our wedding registry!"

Bro Rabbit

Sports Bar: 5-7 pm No Bullying During Happy Hour.

"Come on! It's the final lap!"

"If you can stand the cuteness, take a look at my cat."

'Amazing! You're the first patient I've ever met who gets blisters on his feet and pain in his back just by thinking of sport!'

Lonely Trump Rally in Tulsa

"Now isn’t this better than that silly Super Bowl game?"

What's with all the cameras? They're filming seniors for college field hockey recruiters. I'll never be good enough to get admitted. It's just a game. In the real world. No one cared you even played. Then why do they make us do sports? To take your mind off all the college pressure!

"Football world cup? Bah! I don't care about football."

'I can't decide which I'm least excited about...the royal wedding or the Olympics.'

'Crickets? I mean cricket?'

'...You've got no game.'

"Personally, I liked this place better before it became a sports bar."

"Banning A-Rod for the entire season is tragic. However, banning him for the postseason might be a good omen."

'Can I send this back? Somehow a hair got in my soup.'

Castaway uses a solar panel to watch TV.