Golf Skeptic Gifts

"I hate golf. There's something unnatural about a game where the lowest score wins."

"In a blinding flash, Norman suddenly realises the mind-numbing boredom and utter futility of the sport that is called golf..."

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

"I think I might go outside. My fresh air app is glitchy today."

"Sure, it's 'beautiful,' Ray, but where are the outlet stores?!"

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

Man in Office playing golf, filing cabinet draw marked 'Rough'

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

"You have a good lie."

End of football season - UK

"By the time I develop a true understanding of sand, I'll probably be forced into some sort of organized sports."

'I don't think of myself as a caddie, I provide technical support for golfers.'

"I enjoy the game so much more since they invented the self-driving ball!"

'Big deal. I could win every race too, if I used performance-enhancing sugar.'

'Amazing! You're the first patient I've ever met who gets blisters on his feet and pain in his back just by thinking of sport!'

"What kind of idiot gets suckered into something like that?"

'You're right, there's nothing in the rules against it.'

What's with all the cameras? They're filming seniors for college field hockey recruiters. I'll never be good enough to get admitted. It's just a game. In the real world. No one cared you even played. Then why do they make us do sports? To take your mind off all the college pressure!

"Now isn’t this better than that silly Super Bowl game?"

'I am so very frustrated! I know it's hard for you to understand, but you don't know the golf course.'

'I'm using my eyes, how are you looking at it?'

"Je n'aime pas la nature!"

'I can't decide which I'm least excited about...the royal wedding or the Olympics.'

'Crickets? I mean cricket?'

'...You've got no game.'

'Give a man a ball, and he golfs for a day, Teach a man to scoop a ball and he golfs for a lifetime,'

"Personally, I liked this place better before it became a sports bar."

'Well, Alfred Hitchcock, any more great ideas like the bird feeder for livening up the yard?'

Thoreau's secret diary

"Forget that ball caddie, there's another just like it up here that I can tap in...."

'Every Sunday I thank God that I'm an atheist!'

"Why do you like playing Bingo so much, Tia Carmen?"

'For the 100th time! I have never used steroids!'