Hockey Skeptic Gifts

A couple of muskrats talk: 'Frankly, I've had it with hockey.'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

"...And don't give me that 'I hope his precious little Blackhawks lose' look either!"

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

The Puck Stops Here.

"I admit saying England had no hope of winning the World Cup, me Lord, but it isn't treason."

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

"Huh! Never a miracle vaccine when you want one - then three come along at the same time - bloody typical!"

Doing Something About the Weather

End of football season - UK

"By the time I develop a true understanding of sand, I'll probably be forced into some sort of organized sports."

Alternative Accountants

"It's simple, really. You're a team member when you want something. You're an employee when I want something."

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

"I hate golf. There's something unnatural about a game where the lowest score wins."

'Big deal. I could win every race too, if I used performance-enhancing sugar.'

"So, fifty percent loved the advert!" "That's right...I did, but my wife didn't."

"Excuse me, but where exactly are we being led?"

'Amazing! You're the first patient I've ever met who gets blisters on his feet and pain in his back just by thinking of sport!'

Lonely Trump Rally in Tulsa

'I can't decide which I'm least excited about...the royal wedding or the Olympics.'

Football League - Concussions R Us.

"Now isn’t this better than that silly Super Bowl game?"

What's with all the cameras? They're filming seniors for college field hockey recruiters. I'll never be good enough to get admitted. It's just a game. In the real world. No one cared you even played. Then why do they make us do sports? To take your mind off all the college pressure!

'Crickets? I mean cricket?'

'Bad sport.'

"I wonder if we'll still have to eat kale this summer."

'I'm using my eyes, how are you looking at it?'

"So, you're the mediation expert, huh? So, what does that make you, a big deal or something?"

'I don't care about your stinking study. This time, it better not be the placebo.'

'...You've got no game.'

"Personally, I liked this place better before it became a sports bar."

He's got a lousy voice!

'For the 100th time! I have never used steroids!'