Stadium Skeptic Gifts

"I had a feeling they wouldn't stop at artificial turf."

Lonely Trump Rally in Tulsa

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

"Whoa. Check it out, Doug. Your ex-wife is sitting right below us with that dolt she ran off with..."

Inflatable Hands with Index and Middle fingers showing on sale for spectators at a Sports Stadium Event

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

Fan-Centric Stadium

Arch of Triumph Save

"As fans we are smart enough to understand the game, but not smart enough to realize how unimportant it really is."

At the 'Feel Good' movie of the year.

Super Bowl 2012: The NFL finds a way to appease displaced ticket holders.

"By the time I develop a true understanding of sand, I'll probably be forced into some sort of organized sports."

'I hired a local guide. He knows every square inch of this stadium...'

'Magazine, yes. Book, maybe. Musical dance - never in a million!'

'If you think men don't know how to show emotion - just wait until one of them scores...'

'Lenny NEVER had any problems with cramped seats at football games - like most people do.'

The Sponsored Skier

"It's simple, really. You're a team member when you want something. You're an employee when I want something."

"This is the worst parade ever."

A couple of muskrats talk: 'Frankly, I've had it with hockey.'

What are the chances?

'Big deal. I could win every race too, if I used performance-enhancing sugar.'

'Everything else was sold out. Stop whining about the end zone seats.'

'Amazing! You're the first patient I've ever met who gets blisters on his feet and pain in his back just by thinking of sport!'

The fifty metre hurdles.One of the hardest events in athletics.

What's with all the cameras? They're filming seniors for college field hockey recruiters. I'll never be good enough to get admitted. It's just a game. In the real world. No one cared you even played. Then why do they make us do sports? To take your mind off all the college pressure!

'I'm using my eyes, how are you looking at it?'

Stadium. Food. Beer. In a fan vote, pizza was chosen as the favorite food this season. Ah, so the hot dog is make a concession speech!

Loudspeaker announces fans' derogatory chant.

"Now isn’t this better than that silly Super Bowl game?"

'Crickets? I mean cricket?'

"It's always, 'hey God, thank for the win! It's never, 'hey God, need tickets?"

"He lost his Season Ticket."