Philosopher Of The Couch Gifts

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Studies show foods work miracles!

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

The Three Kinds of People

"I don't believe in egrets."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

Psychiatrist with bust of Freud

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

"So that's where you were last night."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"