Philosopher Of The Couch Gifts

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Studies show foods work miracles!

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"I should've never studied canon law."

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

The Three Kinds of People

"So that's where you were last night."

"I don't believe in egrets."

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

Psychiatrist with bust of Freud

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."