Couch Philosophy Guru Gifts

The problem is not in your set or at the station. That leaves only you, doesn't it?

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

"Bloody hell!"

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

"All of a dither as per usual!"

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'John is watching the game under protest.'

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

Captive Audience at the World Cup.

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

Psychiatrist with bust of Freud

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

"Tom, let's explore why you feel Andrea's inability to understand 'icing the puck' is passive-aggressive."

'As your financial advisor, I'd have to advise you to change your main income provider,'

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."