Couch Conversationalist Gifts

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Studies show foods work miracles!

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

"Stop blaming yourself. You loved, and dedicated so much of your time. Have you considered getting another cactus?"

'John is watching the game under protest.'

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

Psychiatrist with bust of Freud

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"I don't get it. I got a job at a fulfillment center and yet I'm still miserable!"

Axel, I notice you read a lot of highbrow books

'As your financial advisor, I'd have to advise you to change your main income provider,'

"Tom, let's explore why you feel Andrea's inability to understand 'icing the puck' is passive-aggressive."

Snow is falling...

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

The big questions in life.

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"I have this relationship with money, it's complicated."