Cozy Conversationalist Gifts

"Bitsy and I decided controlling our portions was no way to live."

'Sam's not really a seafaring man but he can yo-ho-ho with the best of them.'

Snow is falling...

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

Annual run-off at the mouth.

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

Crow and fox

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

Jokes machine.

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

"Dude, Amazon is so popular they named a river after it."

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'