Clever Conversationalists Gifts

"Phil is my Vice President in Charge of Snappy Comebacks."

Why we need poetry. . .

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Crow and fox

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

Jokes machine.

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

Snow is falling...

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

The Algonquin Round Table

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

Bat out of Hell

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

"I understand it all started when he ordered extra toppings on a pizza."

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

"So, what is your star sign?"

No, no, don't tell me … you lost weight? You cut your hair? Wait, did you used to wear glasses?

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"