Witty Conversationalists Gifts

'I preferred it before you started taking Prozac.'

'Did someone forget to circle before dinner.'

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

"I have the h1n2 virus...it makes me act like a pig!"

"How the plastic surgery coming along?"

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

Jokes machine.

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

The Algonquin Round Table

'Mom can I have another apple?'

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

"So, what is your star sign?"

Bat out of Hell

"I understand it all started when he ordered extra toppings on a pizza."

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'