Witty Conversationalists T-Shirts

'I preferred it before you started taking Prozac.'

'Did someone forget to circle before dinner.'

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

"I have the h1n2 virus...it makes me act like a pig!"

"How the plastic surgery coming along?"

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

Jokes machine.

The Algonquin Round Table

'Mom can I have another apple?'

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"So, what is your star sign?"

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

Bat out of Hell

"I understand it all started when he ordered extra toppings on a pizza."

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

No, no, don't tell me … you lost weight? You cut your hair? Wait, did you used to wear glasses?